Monday, October 24, 2005

Truth of it All

You want a poem
As I sit here thinking alone
One of love and happiness
Or one of loss and sadness
On ward the keys I type
I will try to write
The poem you wish to read
As I sit here with my heart I bleed
Frighten was the child
Strong yet so meek and mild
Could match any man
Yes I am yes I can
You crossed my path
Leave before you taste my wrath
Neither wander nor roam did you go
Your love for me is what you show
How could I be a man
In this never never land
On ward we went
Always looking back, spent
Times were not the best
Yet at night I knew where to rest
My head lay gently across your chest
And the soothing of your caress
The want of the late night talks
Or maybe moon lit walks
Grass is greener on the other side
How I wanted that fabulous ride
Now the years gone by
I sit here and sigh
Knowing now
The grass was greener some how
…on our side

Sunday, October 23, 2005

Let Me Be

Don’t take me down the path of dreams, I won’t watch.
Don’t take me to the memories, I won’t remember.
Don’t take me to the feelings of before; my heart is frozen from the pain so I cannot feel.
Times are hard enough with the memory of what was to be.
Realize what went wrong. Grieve for your mistakes but leave me be.

I sit here in my own thoughts that punish me nightly.
To get to sleep is painful as the thoughts pour out of my memory - things of yester year.
In sleep I am haunted by dreams that are in my subconscious being.
My soul is tired and weak so please leave me be.

I grieve for what is lost.
Punishing me in self mourning.
I want to feel… to be me again.
I know this will happen in time.
Patience was not my creator’s gift to me so just leave me be.

Soothing to My Soul

The day is dark and gloomy yet soothing to my soul. I lift my face to the sky and let the darkness take me. Yet, it is uplifting to my spirit, the warm wind blowing into the darkness, birds chirping in the vast desolated land. As the sky slowly lets go of its tears, I feel that I'm not the only element that feels this way today.

Nothing can ease this darkness that has overwhelmed me. Knowing that today is a good day to feel this way. Knowing that my surroundings are uplifting to my mood on this dark and gloomy day puts a smile on my face with the knowledge that it is just for today.

Spring is fast approaching and new life given to the land. I know I too will begin anew on this day. The disappointments of the cold past of winter will soon leave us. Children will be running, singing and playing outdoors, no matter what the day holds from this point forward.

I know this mood will soon pass. It is as temperamental as the weather. Ever changing with out warning. Giving and taking as it seems fit. Emotional rawness in every depth of my being will storm out and bring out the beauty for tomorrow.

Thoughtful Insights

One doesn't need to be surrounded by people to still feel the loneliness. The days and nights combine as one as the frustrations take over your being. Wanting nothing more than the love honor and cherish that was promised yet in return you get manipulation control and abuse.

One doesn't need to cheat nor hit to obtain these things. One just needs to be loved by one with a psychopathic need for their own self-worth. One cannot obtain self-worth through another. One cannot be self-worthy through manipulation, control, nor abuse. The vicious cycle it is only brings you down lower and lower until the need of love and self-worth is being able to control others.

I will not ever be controlled through emotions. Hit me no you did not. Physically abuse me this you did through your lies and deceptions of love through sex and manipulation. Through invasions of privacy, your lustful loins entered. Yes, physical abuse was there. Cheat on me. Maybe or maybe not in deed but in thought and word.

Months and months of trying, binded by the oath that was taken. Living in the loneliness that was called marriage. In shame for the things that were allow to get so far. That man that was is no more as the ink left the pen. An assertive and proud woman I am that chooses my own fate. Destiny brought you across my path as a lesson to learn. This lesson I have learned by making, unknown to me at the time, the wrong choice.

This choice was not taken lightly just as the decision to leave was not taken lightly. The need to have is overwhelmed by the need to be me. You will never see what went wrong no matter who spells it out. You have no fault in your self-protected world. Everyone is out to get you to drag you down. If indeed it is everyone else then the world must suffer as you have and it will continue to do so until the loneliness encompasses you and your self-worth. Admiring one's strength because you lack it in yourself. Demeaning ones courage is another act of wanting and needing control of what another has. Darkness will win only because you will let it.

Brightens the Night

Brightens the night
And warms the heart.
A wonderful sight
Even though we may be apart.

The thought of your smile
Is a warming embrace.
The smile is worthwhile
And enlightens my face.

A smile just for me
That reaches your eyes.
Has me giggling with glee
With receptive sighs.

Light of Day

As the light of day comes into play,
I still lay there between sleep and awake.

The first thought in my head is the dream.
Holding, touching, caressing,
Intimate times that are made for night.

To find the one to make it right into the light,
The dream into reality is what I seek.
I’m looking for a friend to be with,
I want to share the time that is wistful in my dream.
I want to bond and not run.
I in turn want to have fun,
live life to the fullest with the one in my dream.

He is sweet and kind,
Caring and loving,
Compassionate and compromising,
Loves life and all it has to offer.
Supportive and eager,
Works hard and plays harder.
Intimate and sensual,
Sexy and hot,
Lustful and longs for only me.


Dreaming in the hot summer night,
Not alone any more in my dreams,
Tossing and turning lurking towards light.
Finding the one to quiet my screams.

Not only in the vast of darkness,
The intimacy that I wish,
But in the light of day with caress.
I wish that I can truly be blessed.

For now I’ll dream,
And wait until the sun rises,
To find the one to quiet my scream.
To kiss the sky and be thankful,
For the wonderful dream.


I am the beholder of these thoughts…
thoughts of the beauty I see.

Soft pale skin warm to the touch,
soft to the lips, sweet to the tongue.
Deep eyes, bears the soul,
looks deep with in, searching for something.
Sensual pale rose lips, wet to the touch,
innocent to the taste, lively to the flesh.
High cheek bones and predominate nose.
Smile that sparks the day and glimmers the night.
Eyebrows lush and full.
Face that is soft and warm,
easy to touch and wanting to please.
Hands that are soft to feel,
firm to hold, and rough to tease.
Arms that are strong with the gentleness to caress.
Shoulders that are wide, bold and proud.
Back that is muscular and firm and soft.
Chest that is brave,
heart that pounds solid and strong.
Abdomen that is soft and tender,
strong and wise.
Legs that are thick as the loins they hold,
long in length with muscle and grace.
Ankles that are warm, tender and sweet.

** The brain is warm, caring, gentle, loving,sensual, lusting, wanting, honest, hopeful, non-domineering, supportive, kind and tender, intelligent, opinionated and knowledgeable.
** The touch is electrical, eccentric and intimate.
** The smell is breath taking, unnerving and sensual.
** The taste is erotic, sweet, tingling, tempting and wonderful.

Every Tear

Every tear that I shed is for you,
Every smile that shines from my face is for you.
Every day that I wake I pray for you,
Every night before I sleep I pray for you.
You are my world and my leader,
For without you, my world would be much bleaker.
You bring love into my life,
You bring hope into my world.
You help me to be a good wife,
You help me to be the best in this life.
I know you have a plan for me,
I know you have things to teach me.
I know without you there is no we,
I know now... that without you there is no me.

The Little Sprite Within

The little sprite within
Filled with hope and dreams
To fly away on their wings
A secret place only for them, it seems
Where love longs to begin
Romance is alive
Where friendships commence to thrive
And happiness and tenderness survive
When the sun is setting
Music is the charm
Friends dance in each others arms
With no hesitations and no alarms
The little sprite’s betting
Love is in the air
Without a warning or care
The little sprite is now the maiden fair