Sunday, October 23, 2005

Thoughtful Insights

One doesn't need to be surrounded by people to still feel the loneliness. The days and nights combine as one as the frustrations take over your being. Wanting nothing more than the love honor and cherish that was promised yet in return you get manipulation control and abuse.

One doesn't need to cheat nor hit to obtain these things. One just needs to be loved by one with a psychopathic need for their own self-worth. One cannot obtain self-worth through another. One cannot be self-worthy through manipulation, control, nor abuse. The vicious cycle it is only brings you down lower and lower until the need of love and self-worth is being able to control others.

I will not ever be controlled through emotions. Hit me no you did not. Physically abuse me this you did through your lies and deceptions of love through sex and manipulation. Through invasions of privacy, your lustful loins entered. Yes, physical abuse was there. Cheat on me. Maybe or maybe not in deed but in thought and word.

Months and months of trying, binded by the oath that was taken. Living in the loneliness that was called marriage. In shame for the things that were allow to get so far. That man that was is no more as the ink left the pen. An assertive and proud woman I am that chooses my own fate. Destiny brought you across my path as a lesson to learn. This lesson I have learned by making, unknown to me at the time, the wrong choice.

This choice was not taken lightly just as the decision to leave was not taken lightly. The need to have is overwhelmed by the need to be me. You will never see what went wrong no matter who spells it out. You have no fault in your self-protected world. Everyone is out to get you to drag you down. If indeed it is everyone else then the world must suffer as you have and it will continue to do so until the loneliness encompasses you and your self-worth. Admiring one's strength because you lack it in yourself. Demeaning ones courage is another act of wanting and needing control of what another has. Darkness will win only because you will let it.

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